The Cycle of Rainfall and Sunshine

I have written to recount my experience as a developing teacher who experienced the rough patches of teaching. I have learned that there are bad days, just as there are good days. And as a teacher, I remain grateful of both days because both teach us a little bit more of our students and ourselves.

Disclaimer: this is a journal entry primarily for me to look back and remember my experience at practicum. It may be confusing, a little bizarre, and incoherent for those whose name is not Theresa Lee.

The Cycle of Rainfall and Sunshine

Sunshine are those days when students somehow illuminate in themselves the qualities of respect, cooperation, inclusion and motivation. They reflect the energy I shone on them, and their colours are vibrantly expressed through their engagement and participation.

Rainfall are those days when students lose their form when they enter the classroom and prefer to freely disturb the calm pond that ripples throughout the classroom.

It is an ordinary thing for me to look up each morning, hoping that I would be greeted by the warm rays of sun kissing my face. And for most mornings, I remember the sweet feelings that dawned in my heart as I received what I had expected.

Then came one day when nature dictated that there should be some rainfall. And so, that day, instead of the sunshine I became attached to, I was struck with a rainfall. At first, I was enjoying the change in climate. Perhaps, I could learn how to manage in the rain.

"I, for certain, will learn how to enjoy this rainfall," I thought.

Ah, woe to my naiveness. For how can I be prepared for something I had not experienced before?

The students were clumping at the back of the classroom, and ripples of disengagement echoed throughout the classroom. 'Let us go free,' they seemed to say. 'We had no gym all week, and it is raining today. The long weekend begins in two hours and we long to swim freely in the pond now'. I secretly pleaded with them to stay with me - to hold themselves up to the classroom standards as they have on sunny days. But contrary to my hopes for the sun to peak through the clouds, the rainfall came harder, and harder. My hair was getting wet with disappointment, and my heart was getting heavy with the rainfall.

I had waited for the rain to quiet down. I counted from ten to zero. I had called for the sun, and I had even individually asked to settle down. I smiled to bring back down, and I turned firm to hush the chaos in the classroom. All these were done in vain, and the rainfall kept soaking my heart with heavier disappointment. "This is enough - I am sad. I had looked forward for this day to greet you and you had returned my joy with rebellion. I did not think the rainfall could be this painful. I am exhausted, and I wish to retrieve". Only then did the rainfall recognize that it had pushed too much, that they have unintentionally soaked their teacher with sadness. They immediately hushed and the clouds became no more.

"Miss Lee," the shower whispered. "We are sorry, we did not mean to cause you pain - we just wanted the long weekend to start after a long week without any physical outlet". But how can words undo the memory of pain inscribed in my teaching experience? With an unpassionate thank you for their attentiveness, I dismissed them.

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The next morning comes. I look outside to see if today will be a rainfall or a sunshine.

However, I now have experienced the rainfall, and I have come to learn that I just have to try my best to bring out the sunshine through the rainfall.

T'is the cycle of rainfall and sunshine.

Some days, sun will shine to warm my heart with reciprocity and positivity.

And some other days, rainfall will come as it is - wild, energetic and strange.

I walk inside the classroom, and there, I am greeted with one ray of sunshine: "Good morning, Miss Lee! How are you today? How was your week? .... Today is V's birthday and we have to do something for him!".

Another ray of sunshine comes: "Miss Lee, I woke up at 6am to make you bubbletea".

And then soon, my room is so full of radiance I can barely believe what's in front of me.

Students co-regulating, co-creating assessment, performing skit presentation, leading classroom discussion.

What was the magic of this charm?

A little bit of me giving them more teacher assertiveness of wanting sunshine and

A little bit of them wanting sunshine too.

But this is the mystery I am finding: that there is a cycle of rainfall and sunshine. And I, as a human, cannot order the nature of classroom climate.

But here is another fold to the mystery - there is no bad weather, just bad clothing option.

No matter how uncooperative and wild my students become, I can still use what they are giving me to learn and guide them in a new direction.